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Baldy's Bombast
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November 7, 2010
Nobody loves me, everybody hates me
Thank you for all the hate mail, everyone! At least SOMEONE is paying attention! Recently I have received a lot of email (“F-mail” would be a more accurate description, come to think of it) berating me for my criticism of the Republican establishment and pointing out that Republicans are largely to blame for the country’s massive debt.
Not to be outdone, many apologists for the Democrats have blasted me as well, just for – gasp! -- being supportive of the Tea Party movement. I mean, these Democrats REALLY blasted me. I wouldn’t say any of it was coherent or well-thought-out, but I know a dressing-down when I see one.
If you aren’t crazy about the Republicans or Democrats, you might be thinking, “You know, I like this Baldy guy, googly eyes and all.” Ah, not so fast. By the end of this commentary, I probably will have offended you, too. All right, then, let’s go! . . .
Now, the phrase “Tea Party” has different meanings to different people. To a lot of Democrats, it means a dangerous mob of gun-toting, swastika-wearing racists clamoring for secession. To a lot of Republicans it refers to a noble collection of Constitutional conservatives led by the refreshing Sarah Palin, the straight-talking Glenn Beck, and the no-nonsense Michelle Bachmann.
Sorry, Dems, but the Tea Party is nothing remotely resembling what you have been told by the corporate media. Not . . . even . . . close. And Reps, well, Palin, Beck, and Bachmann talk a good game (sort of), but never have they offered any substantive solutions for curing our financial crisis. When have they ever come out strong against the wars, the overseas empire, or the Federal Reserve? Any serious discussion of deficit and debt reduction must prominently include getting rid of all of these, yet the so-called leaders of the Tea Party (a leaderless movement, if there ever was one) appear to be for the wars, for the overseas empire, and if not for the Federal Reserve, at least disturbingly silent when it comes to eliminating its role in the economy, notwithstanding Beck’s occasional harrumphing about the Fed. Then again, Beck talks out of both sides of his mouth when it comes to the Fed, so who knows.
Many who support the Tea Party movement have F-mailed me about my position on our massive military presence all over the world: We must be there!, they say. The world would be overrun if not for our bases around the world!, etc. Okay. That’s a fair enough position, though many disagree. But at least be honest and say you are for small government except when it comes to the military. Please at least tell us that you like spending huge amounts on government programs, as long as they are associated with the Pentagon, the CIA, Department of Homeland Security, etc. That wouldn’t be controversial, and it would at least be honest. But instead of being honest, you’re telling us that you are for small government and a balanced budget, while at the same time saying you prefer big government and big spending as long as it’s for government programs you like, and ignoring the fact that we can’t balance the budget while engaging in non-stop wars and maintaining a global military presence.
Okay, back to Palin, Beck and Bachmann. As I see it, they know a good thing when they see one, and they are using a grassroots movement to their advantage. Palin and Bachmann make for excellent establishment Republicans, and Beck can’t make up his mind. He has argued for a national VAT (basically, a national sales tax), was originally for the bailouts, and recently said that the Federal Reserve “actually may help us” if they decide to “print more money.” Now THAT’S a fiscal conservative we should listen to!
What’s really funny is when I criticize Republicans, I get accused of supporting the Democrats. And when I criticize Democrats, I get accused of supporting the Republicans. Apparently these F-mailers think that there are two and only two sides to every issue, that there are two and only two political parties, and that criticizing one of those parties is equivalent to supporting the other.
For the record, I am registered Republican. I joined the Republican Party in 2007 for the sole purpose of voting for Ron Paul in the Louisiana Republican presidential primary. I’m extraordinarily lazy and have never got around to leaving the party, despite its unconscionably poor treatment of Paul. But Ron Paul and Rand Paul have shown that working within the Republican Party may indeed be a good strategy. So, here I stay for now.
In response to a Democrat who assumed I must just LOVE the Republicans, I said that I had voted for only one Republican my whole life. But that’s not true. It’s actually two. I somehow forgot about the vote I cast for my dad when he ran for the Oregon House of Representatives about thirty years ago.
Okay, so I have voted for two Republicans my entire life: Ron Paul and Chris Kowitz.
Here’s how many Democrats I have voted for: Zero.
I would think that zero votes for Democrats in more than thirty years of voting would be enough to convince Republicans that I don’t support Democrats. And I would think that two votes for Republicans in thirty-plus years of voting – one for a virtual persona non grata within the Republican Party, one for my dad – would be enough to convince Democrats that I don’t support Republicans. But I’m wrong on both counts, judging by the recent F-mail. Apparently, casting two votes for Republicans in thirty years makes me a disgusting hard-core Republican in the eyes of the Democrats who have bombarded me. And somehow my casting zero votes for Democrats is not enough to convince the F-bombing Republicans that I do not support the Democrats.
In fairness to these fly-off-the-handle-before-getting-the-facts Republicans, they didn’t know about my zero votes for Democrats at the time they let fly with their missives. But I am so clearly on record as being highly critical of both major parties that anyone who thinks I am a Democrat simply because I criticize Republicans is, well, I don’t want to insult morons by calling these people morons, so let’s just say they’re stoopid.
Some Republican friends have scolded me for not criticizing the Democrats more than I have. Sure, Republicans deserve a scolding, they say, but the Democrats deserve a much greater scolding! Whatever. While it may not always look like it, I don’t say this stuff just to be critical. I say it hoping to show that both major parties are largely responsible for the financial mess the country is in, and that the borrowing must stop immediately. So why do I focus my criticism more on Republicans than on Democrats if both are to blame? Here’s why: The Tea Party movement has shown that Republicans are far more receptive to the message, although there are plenty of pretenders. The Democrats? Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t think they are interested in anything a Tea Party guy like me has to say, so why bother?
Now, to my Democrat friends who think two votes for Republicans in thirty years (I can hear it now: “We don’t care if one was your dad! He’s Republican scum!”) proves my undying allegiance to Republicans, let me say this: I have spoken at several Tea Party events, at which I have reminded the crowds that both major parties are to blame for the massive debt. After all, they have had a monopoly (or duopoly, in cases where there is an appreciable difference between the parties) on the federal government for 150 years.
I have also spoken at the Louisiana Republican State Central Committee annual meeting and was greatly critical of the Republican Party for its role in the debt, and I was even critical of the few hundred people in attendance for supporting the establishment. But I doubt that even all THAT is good enough for you, my Democrat friends. Judging from your F-mails, if someone criticizes the Democrats and is part of the Tea Party, that person is obviously a piece of co-opted Republican trash.
By now, I probably don’t have many friends left. I’ve offended Republicans, Democrats, Glenn Beck fans, Sarah Palin fans, Michelle Bachmann fans, a large portion of the Tea Party, morons (notwithstanding my having clearly stated that I was trying not to insult them; but they don’t get it -- they’re morons, remember?), stoopid people, and, by association, googly-eyed people and bald guys. So this is probably a good time to move on to today’s parable.
"The Elephant in the Room -- What an Ass"
This story starts around the time of the War to Prevent Southern Independence, about 150 years ago. A guy named Joe kept a few pets. One was a donkey. One was an elephant.
One day, the donkey crapped in Joe’s living room. Joe smacked the donkey and scolded him. The donkey had a strange reaction. Being a talking donkey, it said: “Joe, what the hell are you smacking me for? You must really love the elephant. But why do you love the elephant? Don’t you realize he crapped in your kitchen?”
Joe’s response seemed quite reasonable. He told the donkey: “Yes, you ass! Of course I know the elephant crapped in my kitchen! Do you honestly think I would not notice a pile of elephant crap in my kitchen?! But that has nothing to do with what you did in my living room!”
And the donkey, being a stoopid ass, replied, “But if you smacked me, you must love the elephant and everything he does. The elephant is a HORRIBLE creature! Just look at what he did in your kitchen! Throw him out of the house at once!"
Well, the stoopid ass was right, of course. The elephant had dropped quite an impressive load in Joe’s kitchen. So Joe smacked the hell out of the elephant and scolded him. Joe got a bizarre response from the elephant: “Hey, why do you love the donkey so much? Didn’t you see what he did your living room? Throw him out of the house at once!”
But Joe couldn’t throw out either the donkey or the elephant. It wasn’t up to him. Matters like this were put to a family vote. Some members of Joe’s family enjoyed the smell of donkey-doo and voted to let the donkey stay. Other members of Joe’s family enjoyed the smell of elephant-doo and voted to let the elephant stay. A few members of the family didn’t like the donkey or the elephant and wished they would stop doing their dirty business in the house, but they preferred the donkey and elephant to the dogs who lived outside. They didn’t like the dogs at all, because the dogs never stopped barking their warnings about the donkey and the elephant and their dirty business.
So, of course, the donkey and the elephant both got to stay. And stay. And stay. And stay. For a really long time.
Several generations of donkeys did their business in the living room. Several generations of elephants did their business in the kitchen. Several generations of Joe’s family kept voting to keep the donkeys and the elephants inside the house, where they continue to do their smelly business.
And the dogs keep barking.
Nobody loves me, everybody hates me
Thank you for all the hate mail, everyone! At least SOMEONE is paying attention! Recently I have received a lot of email (“F-mail” would be a more accurate description, come to think of it) berating me for my criticism of the Republican establishment and pointing out that Republicans are largely to blame for the country’s massive debt.
Not to be outdone, many apologists for the Democrats have blasted me as well, just for – gasp! -- being supportive of the Tea Party movement. I mean, these Democrats REALLY blasted me. I wouldn’t say any of it was coherent or well-thought-out, but I know a dressing-down when I see one.
If you aren’t crazy about the Republicans or Democrats, you might be thinking, “You know, I like this Baldy guy, googly eyes and all.” Ah, not so fast. By the end of this commentary, I probably will have offended you, too. All right, then, let’s go! . . .
Now, the phrase “Tea Party” has different meanings to different people. To a lot of Democrats, it means a dangerous mob of gun-toting, swastika-wearing racists clamoring for secession. To a lot of Republicans it refers to a noble collection of Constitutional conservatives led by the refreshing Sarah Palin, the straight-talking Glenn Beck, and the no-nonsense Michelle Bachmann.
Sorry, Dems, but the Tea Party is nothing remotely resembling what you have been told by the corporate media. Not . . . even . . . close. And Reps, well, Palin, Beck, and Bachmann talk a good game (sort of), but never have they offered any substantive solutions for curing our financial crisis. When have they ever come out strong against the wars, the overseas empire, or the Federal Reserve? Any serious discussion of deficit and debt reduction must prominently include getting rid of all of these, yet the so-called leaders of the Tea Party (a leaderless movement, if there ever was one) appear to be for the wars, for the overseas empire, and if not for the Federal Reserve, at least disturbingly silent when it comes to eliminating its role in the economy, notwithstanding Beck’s occasional harrumphing about the Fed. Then again, Beck talks out of both sides of his mouth when it comes to the Fed, so who knows.
Many who support the Tea Party movement have F-mailed me about my position on our massive military presence all over the world: We must be there!, they say. The world would be overrun if not for our bases around the world!, etc. Okay. That’s a fair enough position, though many disagree. But at least be honest and say you are for small government except when it comes to the military. Please at least tell us that you like spending huge amounts on government programs, as long as they are associated with the Pentagon, the CIA, Department of Homeland Security, etc. That wouldn’t be controversial, and it would at least be honest. But instead of being honest, you’re telling us that you are for small government and a balanced budget, while at the same time saying you prefer big government and big spending as long as it’s for government programs you like, and ignoring the fact that we can’t balance the budget while engaging in non-stop wars and maintaining a global military presence.
Okay, back to Palin, Beck and Bachmann. As I see it, they know a good thing when they see one, and they are using a grassroots movement to their advantage. Palin and Bachmann make for excellent establishment Republicans, and Beck can’t make up his mind. He has argued for a national VAT (basically, a national sales tax), was originally for the bailouts, and recently said that the Federal Reserve “actually may help us” if they decide to “print more money.” Now THAT’S a fiscal conservative we should listen to!
What’s really funny is when I criticize Republicans, I get accused of supporting the Democrats. And when I criticize Democrats, I get accused of supporting the Republicans. Apparently these F-mailers think that there are two and only two sides to every issue, that there are two and only two political parties, and that criticizing one of those parties is equivalent to supporting the other.
For the record, I am registered Republican. I joined the Republican Party in 2007 for the sole purpose of voting for Ron Paul in the Louisiana Republican presidential primary. I’m extraordinarily lazy and have never got around to leaving the party, despite its unconscionably poor treatment of Paul. But Ron Paul and Rand Paul have shown that working within the Republican Party may indeed be a good strategy. So, here I stay for now.
In response to a Democrat who assumed I must just LOVE the Republicans, I said that I had voted for only one Republican my whole life. But that’s not true. It’s actually two. I somehow forgot about the vote I cast for my dad when he ran for the Oregon House of Representatives about thirty years ago.
Okay, so I have voted for two Republicans my entire life: Ron Paul and Chris Kowitz.
Here’s how many Democrats I have voted for: Zero.
I would think that zero votes for Democrats in more than thirty years of voting would be enough to convince Republicans that I don’t support Democrats. And I would think that two votes for Republicans in thirty-plus years of voting – one for a virtual persona non grata within the Republican Party, one for my dad – would be enough to convince Democrats that I don’t support Republicans. But I’m wrong on both counts, judging by the recent F-mail. Apparently, casting two votes for Republicans in thirty years makes me a disgusting hard-core Republican in the eyes of the Democrats who have bombarded me. And somehow my casting zero votes for Democrats is not enough to convince the F-bombing Republicans that I do not support the Democrats.
In fairness to these fly-off-the-handle-before-getting-the-facts Republicans, they didn’t know about my zero votes for Democrats at the time they let fly with their missives. But I am so clearly on record as being highly critical of both major parties that anyone who thinks I am a Democrat simply because I criticize Republicans is, well, I don’t want to insult morons by calling these people morons, so let’s just say they’re stoopid.
Some Republican friends have scolded me for not criticizing the Democrats more than I have. Sure, Republicans deserve a scolding, they say, but the Democrats deserve a much greater scolding! Whatever. While it may not always look like it, I don’t say this stuff just to be critical. I say it hoping to show that both major parties are largely responsible for the financial mess the country is in, and that the borrowing must stop immediately. So why do I focus my criticism more on Republicans than on Democrats if both are to blame? Here’s why: The Tea Party movement has shown that Republicans are far more receptive to the message, although there are plenty of pretenders. The Democrats? Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t think they are interested in anything a Tea Party guy like me has to say, so why bother?
Now, to my Democrat friends who think two votes for Republicans in thirty years (I can hear it now: “We don’t care if one was your dad! He’s Republican scum!”) proves my undying allegiance to Republicans, let me say this: I have spoken at several Tea Party events, at which I have reminded the crowds that both major parties are to blame for the massive debt. After all, they have had a monopoly (or duopoly, in cases where there is an appreciable difference between the parties) on the federal government for 150 years.
I have also spoken at the Louisiana Republican State Central Committee annual meeting and was greatly critical of the Republican Party for its role in the debt, and I was even critical of the few hundred people in attendance for supporting the establishment. But I doubt that even all THAT is good enough for you, my Democrat friends. Judging from your F-mails, if someone criticizes the Democrats and is part of the Tea Party, that person is obviously a piece of co-opted Republican trash.
By now, I probably don’t have many friends left. I’ve offended Republicans, Democrats, Glenn Beck fans, Sarah Palin fans, Michelle Bachmann fans, a large portion of the Tea Party, morons (notwithstanding my having clearly stated that I was trying not to insult them; but they don’t get it -- they’re morons, remember?), stoopid people, and, by association, googly-eyed people and bald guys. So this is probably a good time to move on to today’s parable.
"The Elephant in the Room -- What an Ass"
This story starts around the time of the War to Prevent Southern Independence, about 150 years ago. A guy named Joe kept a few pets. One was a donkey. One was an elephant.
One day, the donkey crapped in Joe’s living room. Joe smacked the donkey and scolded him. The donkey had a strange reaction. Being a talking donkey, it said: “Joe, what the hell are you smacking me for? You must really love the elephant. But why do you love the elephant? Don’t you realize he crapped in your kitchen?”
Joe’s response seemed quite reasonable. He told the donkey: “Yes, you ass! Of course I know the elephant crapped in my kitchen! Do you honestly think I would not notice a pile of elephant crap in my kitchen?! But that has nothing to do with what you did in my living room!”
And the donkey, being a stoopid ass, replied, “But if you smacked me, you must love the elephant and everything he does. The elephant is a HORRIBLE creature! Just look at what he did in your kitchen! Throw him out of the house at once!"
Well, the stoopid ass was right, of course. The elephant had dropped quite an impressive load in Joe’s kitchen. So Joe smacked the hell out of the elephant and scolded him. Joe got a bizarre response from the elephant: “Hey, why do you love the donkey so much? Didn’t you see what he did your living room? Throw him out of the house at once!”
But Joe couldn’t throw out either the donkey or the elephant. It wasn’t up to him. Matters like this were put to a family vote. Some members of Joe’s family enjoyed the smell of donkey-doo and voted to let the donkey stay. Other members of Joe’s family enjoyed the smell of elephant-doo and voted to let the elephant stay. A few members of the family didn’t like the donkey or the elephant and wished they would stop doing their dirty business in the house, but they preferred the donkey and elephant to the dogs who lived outside. They didn’t like the dogs at all, because the dogs never stopped barking their warnings about the donkey and the elephant and their dirty business.
So, of course, the donkey and the elephant both got to stay. And stay. And stay. And stay. For a really long time.
Several generations of donkeys did their business in the living room. Several generations of elephants did their business in the kitchen. Several generations of Joe’s family kept voting to keep the donkeys and the elephants inside the house, where they continue to do their smelly business.
And the dogs keep barking.
