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Baldy's Bombast
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November 15, 2010
Hey, Butt-R Safe Than Sorry®
Dear Janet Napalitano,
I fear the current airport security screenings are woefully inadequate. The naked scanners and the fondling are a nice touch (hah!) but they serve only to give us a false sense of security. Please consider my recommendations below. After all, we must stay well ahead of the terrorists. The American Sheep won't complain. They would jettison liberty and privacy for "security" any day.
Now, I am not a terrorist (although you would probably beg to differ), but I think some of us non-terrorists better learn to think like terrorists if we are to prevent future attacks. So . . .
Forget the Trusted Traveler program. That's for risk-takers who care nothing for their safety. After all, they're willing to get on a plane that is potentially loaded with people who have weapons or explosives hidden up their butts. Of all the objects I have ever hidden up my butt, none could take down a jet. But not everyone is as prudent as I, especially a terrorist who hates us for the freedoms we once had and wishes to take down a jet. I would never trust these so-called Trusted Travelers of yours, because I can't see inside their butts. Not that I want to. I don't. At all. Butt somebody needs to, in the name of safety.
The whole point of your silly Trusted Traveler program is to allow certain "trusted" people to waltz through security. That's a joke, so let's get rid of Trusted Traveler and replace it with . . . the Butt-R Safe Than Sorry® program.
I can't see how anyone feels safe knowing that their fellow passengers might be hiding something in their rectal region. In fact, I don't think the American Sheep feel safe at all. It's obvious that anal searches are the next step in your plans, and many American Sheep will welcome that announcement with open arms and open cheeks. Unfortunately, that will be very time consuming. That's where the Butt-R Safe Than Sorry® program comes in.
Everyone in the Butt-R Safe Than Sorry® program agrees to have a colon camera permanently in place. Why permanently? Think, Janet, think! We can never drop our guard! Images from the cameras of those registered in the Butt-R Safe Than Sorry® program can be streamed live to the Internet, Janet, complete with the person's name and important personal details.
A few might protest a little at first, but trust me on this: The American Sheep are so freaking non-caring about their rights and dignity that they'll let you do anything! You don't think so? Well, plenty of parents are letting their kids get ogled at naked or felt up by TSA screeners. It's a good thing, too, because in the Republic of the USSA, we must not only make safety the most important consideration, we must make it the only consideration!
Now, here's the proof that the American Sheep will literally bend over for you, Janet: All those parents (okay, most of those parents) who are allowing their kids to be naked-ized or felt up would, if it were an option, choose to undergo a rectal examination and/or be implanted with a permanent colon camera, if it meant their kids were not subjected to your strip searches and gropings. The American Sheep are ready now! We can always add their kids later.
Janet, please consider the Butt-R Safe Than Sorry® program. It's necessary for our safety, it will streamline the security procedure, it will reduce child molestation (for now), and the American Sheep will love you for it! Everybody wins.
Fondle-y yours,
Baldy
Hey, Butt-R Safe Than Sorry®
Dear Janet Napalitano,
I fear the current airport security screenings are woefully inadequate. The naked scanners and the fondling are a nice touch (hah!) but they serve only to give us a false sense of security. Please consider my recommendations below. After all, we must stay well ahead of the terrorists. The American Sheep won't complain. They would jettison liberty and privacy for "security" any day.
Now, I am not a terrorist (although you would probably beg to differ), but I think some of us non-terrorists better learn to think like terrorists if we are to prevent future attacks. So . . .
Forget the Trusted Traveler program. That's for risk-takers who care nothing for their safety. After all, they're willing to get on a plane that is potentially loaded with people who have weapons or explosives hidden up their butts. Of all the objects I have ever hidden up my butt, none could take down a jet. But not everyone is as prudent as I, especially a terrorist who hates us for the freedoms we once had and wishes to take down a jet. I would never trust these so-called Trusted Travelers of yours, because I can't see inside their butts. Not that I want to. I don't. At all. Butt somebody needs to, in the name of safety.
The whole point of your silly Trusted Traveler program is to allow certain "trusted" people to waltz through security. That's a joke, so let's get rid of Trusted Traveler and replace it with . . . the Butt-R Safe Than Sorry® program.
I can't see how anyone feels safe knowing that their fellow passengers might be hiding something in their rectal region. In fact, I don't think the American Sheep feel safe at all. It's obvious that anal searches are the next step in your plans, and many American Sheep will welcome that announcement with open arms and open cheeks. Unfortunately, that will be very time consuming. That's where the Butt-R Safe Than Sorry® program comes in.
Everyone in the Butt-R Safe Than Sorry® program agrees to have a colon camera permanently in place. Why permanently? Think, Janet, think! We can never drop our guard! Images from the cameras of those registered in the Butt-R Safe Than Sorry® program can be streamed live to the Internet, Janet, complete with the person's name and important personal details.
A few might protest a little at first, but trust me on this: The American Sheep are so freaking non-caring about their rights and dignity that they'll let you do anything! You don't think so? Well, plenty of parents are letting their kids get ogled at naked or felt up by TSA screeners. It's a good thing, too, because in the Republic of the USSA, we must not only make safety the most important consideration, we must make it the only consideration!
Now, here's the proof that the American Sheep will literally bend over for you, Janet: All those parents (okay, most of those parents) who are allowing their kids to be naked-ized or felt up would, if it were an option, choose to undergo a rectal examination and/or be implanted with a permanent colon camera, if it meant their kids were not subjected to your strip searches and gropings. The American Sheep are ready now! We can always add their kids later.
Janet, please consider the Butt-R Safe Than Sorry® program. It's necessary for our safety, it will streamline the security procedure, it will reduce child molestation (for now), and the American Sheep will love you for it! Everybody wins.
Fondle-y yours,
Baldy
